Being carried away by a dragon.

My forsaken laptop downloaded a virus.
This is a huge blow in our relationship.
I trusted my laptop with all of my darkest secrets. (Unflattering pictures that should never been seen in the internet day light as well as angsty angst.)
It repays me by downloading a virus.
A stupid fake ‘ad ware’ virus that refuse to let me go on google.
How on earth could it do such a horrid thing?
I needed to google how to get rid of it!
The nerve! Using a proxy to control which sites I visited!

Thankfully AVG (unlike a certain laptop) was not fooled by this tomfoolery. AVG was smart! “No!” it said to me. “I can not let you anywhere near that scumbag site! Away!”
And away we went.

Then came the call to Dad. (IT guys so handy!) With a slight panic in my voice and my eyes welling up in tears I explained that some evil no good virus had downloaded its self onto my computer and AVAST! was being a jerk.
It was something akin to me being taken hostage by a dragon and AVAST! waving goodbye to me. “There is no threat! No threat at all! Byeeee! Have an AWESOME trip with that AWESOME not evil dragon!”

Bah. Lies.

So, as well as being evil and using proxylike, it could mind control AVAST!
There was a fair bit of swearing and giving AVAST! the middle finger whilst I go carried away by the evil dragon.

Usually virus are somewhat dim, bonk them over the head and they will let you go.
This virus was different.
There was no uninstall button.
Also? When you drag the folder of which the virus was contained in, the computer said that we shouldn’t just simply drag the folder to the recycle bin because it was in use.
The dragon flies faster.
Mel swears louder.

Dad proclaims – “Go to Lavasoft and download their adware.” Mel struggles a bit and spits out a chunk of her hair from her mouth.
“I can’t! It won’t let me go onto the website!” Cue the flailing.
“HOW CAN I DOWNLOAD IT IF IT DOESN’T LET ME ACCESS TO THE STUPID PAGE?!”*
“Well.” Dad responded, picking up a microphone so Mel can still hear him over the wind and the sound of the dragon’s wings flapping.
“I’ll download it and give it to you after work.”
Mel starts to feel dizzy. After work?! By the time that is, the dragon would have her back in its cave, have the cooking pot up and running AND started to nibble on her leg for a predinner treat.

The distance between them grows and soon Mel can barely hear her father even with the microphone on.
“…blahblah…blahblah….safe mood …blahblaaaah…F8…blah.blah..”

Mel blinks. Safe mood? The sound of a hi-tech fighter plan whizzes over her head.
Take aim and FIRE!
PEW PEW PEEEW PEW PEW PEW PEEEEEW PPPPEEEWWWWWWW!
Oh! Safe mode! SAFE MODE!

Huzzarh! Safe mode!
The evil dragon lies dying on the ground. Mel kicks it a few times for good measure.
There was lots of Victory Dancing around the corpse of the dragon and a few loud words about how much the dragon sucked and the fact that no one is ever going to nibble Mel’s leg!
HA!
STUPID VIRUS!
TAKE THAT! PEW PEW PEW PEW!

AVAST! blinked. “…What just happened?” Mel turned around and glared. “I was kidnapped by a dragon and you stood there and waved to me as I got flown away.”
AVAST! swore. “@#$%!” Mel hmphed in response. “Go. Away with you! Go make sure there isn’t any other dragons lurking that want to kidnap me.”
AVAST! fled and went to go do what Mel asked.

Mel proclaimed her undying love to AVG and Safe Mode then went to go see if LavaSoft was interested in becoming one of her protectors.
It was.

Huzzarh!

xo Mel.

*Insert a swear word after every second word.

(To be fair, AVAST! is actually the best free protection that (non) money can buy. That virus was a slimy eel.
AVAST! You may now come crawling on your knees and beg for my forgiveness. Laptop, you may join AVAST! in that action.
Twice daily please.
Until I feel better about the both of you.)

Helpful site was the main part of the Hi-Tech fighter jet’s success! http://www.howtogeek.com/howto/8693/how-to-remove-antivirus-live-and-other-roguefake-antivirus-malware/

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About kamaness

Hi! I'm Mel. I run Kamaness with my two siblings Karl and Ness. Not that they post. It's pretty much just me talking about myself to myself.
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